samu't sari

Today is my roney's 30th birthday! And i haven't got any gift for him. I kept pestering him since the first day of the year on what would he want to receive for this special occasion. All i got for an answer was a kiss.

However, the special thing that he did for his birthday is to give me this tiny thing.

Lucky me. but, still, i feel guilty for not having bought anything. I have too many excuses, but the fact remains, all i can give him is a kiss... and the heartbeat of our baby. and guess what, he said that it's more than enough.

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i don't know if it's hormonal thing or it's already embedded in my genes- i feel so tamad today. i even made roney's birthday an excuse just to refrain from going to work. but, a responsible man that he is, he lectured me on duties and responsibilities just so i would get up and be ready for work. so, here i am, still doing every worthless thing and procrastinating on finishing the important papers and work.

hmmmm.... will i still have work tomorrow?

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i have not been depressed for a long time. and that is good. i just dread that i would be once the baby is out. how shall i prepare myself? keep busy? be busy? and then realize that such busy-ness are all in vain?

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My head still aches. Since waking up, i have not known a minute of calm and serenity due to dizziness. the processed food partly settled in my middle region are threatening to materialize through my vocal chords and unto the loo. I just hope that i have a better aim.

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Sometimes i wonder whether it is better for people around me to talk behind my back than when i am around. what i do not know won't hurt me. and oftentimes, it indicates respect or fear, whichever way you want to perceive it. it is more difficult to pretend ignorant than be clueless.

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Eversince i swallowed a baby, i feel that my brain cells have decreased. i forget names, events and spellings. i have pictured myself as a deranged woman after having all those anesthesia during childbirth.

buti na lang, i was able to read from What to Expect When Expecting that all pregnant women suffer from forgetfulness due to hormonal imbalances. And this, thankfully, is not permanent.

i guess, i still have a bright future after all.