Another Dream

i just have to write this. else, i would forget how it went.

last night, i was in a very uncomfortable position. literally.

i could not lie on my back because linggit is now too heavy for my other organs. i couldn't lie on my either side because it seems that my tummy was too small-rounded for linggit. so there i was expressing my pains and aches until i dozed off.

then, i had this weird dream. it seemed too real for me.

i had delivered linggit.

the doctors did not allow me to see my baby. i told them that i would be breastfeeding my child. it should be with me as soon as it was delivered. but, my pleas only reached deaf ears.

they told me that linggit was too small. they had to feed my child with formula to make it stronger. they did not give me linggit for two days. Two days!

but, as a mother, i insisted and shouted at them to let me see my child.

when i finally saw linggit, my child was so small and thin. and i told myself that maybe it's because it was delivered only on my 6th month.

then i woke up.

was it because i incessantly complained last night?

or did the feature on XXX showing drums and drums of fetuses at a funeral parlor affected me?

does my linggit want to tell me that it is not big enough despite my contrary perception?