ricochet?

Yesterday was just a day of sighing, one-liners, cold shoulders and slant looks. nope, i was not ready to reconcile. not yet. nor will i give in to his puppy looks, loving whispers and caring touch, no matter how they affected me so. i will let him suffer for another day. magdusa sya!

i ended my day with these thoughts. i prayed aloud so that he and linggit could hear my prayers. it was up to him if he would join me in those prayers. i was not angry anymore. in fact, i was not even angry to begin with. i just dont want to talk to him so that he may contemplate and repent from his erring ways.

perhaps God was telling me through some weird manner that he had learned his lesson. or probably that i should be grateful with what i have.

it was an odd dream, but like the rest, it felt real.

i was in the house of an unknown friend (though i knew her in my dream). the house was shabby, and in the inner circles of an urban poor community. it was infested with rats and other creeping things. but we were happy because i was with my 2 unknown friends and my husband J. but it was thursday and we still have an exam on friday. so, being the geek that i was, i told my husband J that we should go home. when he still didnt want to, i screamed! we walked miles and miles in that maze of a community. when i finally had a glimpse of lrt railways, i was so thankful that we could finally take the train and go home. but my husband J had other plans. he went to this building, which looked like an office/residential building. and when he came back, he told me that he got us a room! i was so frustrated because we have not studied for the exams yet. but since he was my husband, i just submitted to his decision. i hated the place, not only because we have no time to study, but mainly due to my fear that we might get robbed, or worse killed, by akyat-bahay gangs, or be infected with crabs from the previous room occupants.

however, there we were. the two of us. and finally my husband J touched my small belly and told me that the baby growing inside me would look like him!

my mind screamed and freaked out! it kept on yelling that this big child i am actually carrying would be a replica of roney, whether boy or girl. nothing would grow inside me that would look like any person other than roney! that's when i woke up.

and i saw him. rather his back. and i held him tight. then he faced me and embraced me. in a hoarse whisper, i told him that i had a dream. in that dream, i was happily married. but not to him. he hugged me tighter and asked whom i was married to. i could not tell him, though i know the person. it was not important. but i guess it was significant to him, because after our 'loving moments' it was still the topic of our conversation. and during our ride to the office, he kept on interjecting my dream in our talks. i just said that i am pregnant, and i am allowed to have weird dreams. so i sent him the articles on dreams.

that's how we started today.

haaay, ang mga lalaki nga naman.